MUSLIM WOMEN
Why take pictures of covered muslim women?
Qur'an 4:34 Men are the maintainers (1) of women, with what
Allah has made some of them to excel others and with what they spend
out of their wealth. So the good women are (2) obedient,
guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded. And those on whose part you
fear (3) desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the
beds and (4) chastise them. So if they obey you, seek not a
way against them. Surely Allah is ever Exalted, Great.
1) Mo-ham-mad taught that women are to be totally dependent
upon men for their substance.
Note: Jewish and Christian women are allowed to work
outside the home.
Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is
far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
Matthew 27:55-56 And many women who followed Jesus from
Galilee, ministering to Him, were there looking on from
afar, among whom were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and
Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's sons.
Acts 9:36 At Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha,
which is translated Dorcas. This woman was full of good works and
charitable deeds which she did.
Acts 16:14 Now a certain woman named Lydia heard us. She
was a seller of purple from the city of Thyatira, who
worshiped God. The Lord opened her heart to heed the things
spoken by Paul.
2) Mo-ham-mad taught that women are to be obedient to their
husbands even if he is evil.
Note: Christian marriage is based on respect and love with
submission each other.
Ephesians 5:18-21 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is
dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making
melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things
to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting
to one another in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular
so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she
respects her husband.
3) Mo-ham-mad taught that women are to stay with their
husbands even if he is evil.
Note: Christian women are allowed to leave a husband who is
evil.
1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him
depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such
cases. But God has called us to peace.
4) Mo-ham-mad taught husbands to beat their wives into
submission.
Note: Christian husbands are to love their wives not abuse
them.
Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that
He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without
blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own
bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be
bitter toward them.
1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker
vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your
prayers may not be hindered.
Libya introduces morality police to crack down on women’s dress and ‘strange’ haircuts
Interior minister says ‘personal freedom does not exist here in Libya’, adding those seeking it ‘should go to Europe’
The Telegraph
November 11, 2024
Libya will introduce morality police in the capital to enforce
“modesty” and clamp down on “strange” haircuts, the country’s interior
minister has said.
Girls from the age of nine will have to wear veils, and women will be
forbidden from travelling without a male companion or sitting
“inappropriately” with men in public after the crackdown begins next
month.
The sweeping attack on personal freedom is also intended to reverse the
influence of “imported” European fashion and social media trends, such
as clothing and popular hairstyles including quiffs or skin-fades.
The morality police will have the power to shut down barbershops and shisha bars that do not comply with the new regulations.
Emad Al-Trabelsi, the interior minister of Libya’s Tripoli-based,
UN-backed Government of National Unity (GNU), warned the morality
police would ensure strict adherence to the country’s Islamic “social
values”.
“Personal freedom does not exist here in Libya,” said Mr Al-Trabelsi, adding that those seeking it “should go to Europe”.
Experts have warned that the Libyan government is introducing the so-called morality police to tighten its grip on the country.
Repression ‘under the guise of upholding morality’
Libya has faced deep instability since the overthrow of Muammar
Gaddafi’s dictatorial rule in 2011. The country was severed into
eastern and western factions in 2014, each governed by rival
administrations.
Bassam Al Kantar, Amnesty International’s Libya Researcher, said that
Mr Al-Trabelsi threat was a “a dangerous escalation in the already
suffocating levels of repression” faced by Libyans.
“The Government must scrap plans for these repressive measures and
instead address the human rights crisis across the country,
characterised by mass arbitrary detention, enforced disappearance,
torture and unfair trials,” he said.
Hanan Saleh, associate director of the Middle East and North Africa
division at Human Rights Watch, said the “arbitrary and repressive
laws” for women and girls were being implemented “under the guise of
upholding morality”.
“The government should urgently rescind any such plans that would
violate fundamental rights, and instead, guarantee that women and girls
do not face discrimination and that their rights are respected,” she
told The Telegraph.
Jalel Harchaoui, an expert on North African security and a fellow at
the Royal United Services Institute for Defence and Security (RUSI),
warned that installing morality police would also give the government
“vicious” powers to “streamline arrests” without the “formality of
legal procedures”.
Mr Harchaoui emphasised that due to Libya’s continued political
divisions, the new restrictions will be concentrated in some areas of
the capital.
“Libya is not a normal situation. The Prime Minister cannot project
power in all of the capital, let alone beyond the capital. We’re
talking about some neighbourhoods, in the best scenario,” he told The
Telegraph.
He added that the measures were a way for Mr Al-Trabelsi, the interior minister, to consolidate his power.
“The main goal here is to remind the universe that [Mr Al-Trabelsi]
exists as an interior minister, that he matters, that this is still
just the beginning,” he said.
Islamic charity advises on when and how to beat women
Posted: Mon, 10 Jan 2022
The National Secular Society
The National Secular Society has reported an Islamic charity whose website condones violence against women to the regulator.
The NSS reported Utrujj Foundation to the Charity Commission after
finding an article on its website that says that a man "has the
permission to 'strike'" his wife as part of "a process to salvage a
marriage".
The article, entitled "Can a man beat his wife in Islam?", is written
by Haytham Tamim, the "founder and main teacher" of Utrujj and one of
the charity's trustees. It says it is guidance for "the person in
charge of the relationship [on] how to resolve issues when the
relationship is going wrong".
In a section entitled "When is it permissible", the article says the
"right to beat" wives is "part of a process" if a wife is "undermining
her husband's authority".
In another section entitled "What constitutes a strike", the article
says daraba (striking) is connected to nushuz (arrogance). It says an
example of nushuz is when "the wife is troublesome, causing issues" and
the husband suspects she is "talking to someone behind his back or
receiving someone in his home without his permission".
It says the strike "must not leave a mark" and "must not be on the face".
Elsewhere, it implies hitting one's wife is "an act of loyalty and love".
The article quotes Islamic texts that say "men are in charge of women",
"righteous women are devoutly obedient" and that women are "like your
captives".
The article also quotes texts saying parents should smack their children if they do not pray.
Other articles on the website say it is a "major sin" for Muslim women
to marry non-Muslim men, that divorce is "a man's prerogative", that
women "have to wear hijab" and that Muslim women cannot "travel the
distance of 3 days and 3 nights unaccompanied".
Utrujj registered with the Charity Commission as a Charitable
Incorporated Organisation in December. Its charitable objects include
"to advance the Islamic faith for the benefit of the public".
The movie titled "Not Without My Daughter" starring
Sally Fields is based on a true story.
Saudi television personality Rainia
al-Baz was legally beaten unconscious by her Muslim husband.
Women students in Islamic countries live
in perpetual fear of men
Carmen Bin Ladin is speaking out against
her Muslim ex-husband and ex-brother-in-law Osama.
Women from the safety of the West are
speaking out against Islam.
Ayaan Hirsi Ali escaped from Somalia to
the Netherlands only to receive death threats while in the West.
As per Islam, women should be fully covered': Female Muslim cleric slams Mohammed Shami's wife's dress
27 Dec 2016, DNA webdesk
Condemning
Indian cricketer Shami for his wife’s dress, Hina Zaheer. on Monday
said that the former should understand that women should be fully
covered as per Islam.
Condemning Indian cricketer Mohammed Shami for his wife’s dress, a
Muslim cleric on Monday said that the former should understand that
women should be fully covered as per Islam. ‘I don’t think it is a
controversial matter, but yes it is condemnable. Taking Islam into
context, this is not correct. Being a Muslim he should have remembered
that women should be fully covered as per Islam,’ said Muslim cleric
Hina Zaheer.
Another Muslim cleric Umer Ilyas said that changing the dress code is
not a problem, but the best costume is the one which fully covers one’s
body. ‘As per Islam, women should fully cover their bodies. One has
freedom to wear anything, this is their personal matter, but the best
costume is the one which fully covers one’s body,’ said Ilyas. India's
strike bowler Mohammed Shami came in for sharp criticism by Muslim
fanatics for posting pictures of his wife Hasin Jahan on social media.
Earlier, former cricketers have come to defense of ace Indian fast
bowler Mohammad Shami, who came under sharp criticism of Muslim
fanatics for posting his wife Hasin Jahan's pictures on social media.
Shami was reminded of his religion, with some even asking why his wife was not wearing a hijab.
Coming
to Shami’s defense, former Indian cricketer Syed Kirmani said no body
has right to interfere into anybody’s religious matters, adding that
people should learn to look into themselves first before they point
fingers at other.
Nobody should interfere into anybody’s personal life. Secondly, there
is no force in our Islam. And we have no right to interfere into
anybody’s religious matters,’ former Kirmani told ANI.
Echoing similar sentiments, former wicketkeeper-batsman Deep Dasgupta
said it was sad that people have reacted in such an irresponsible
manner. ‘It’s sad because the way people are reacting. See that’s one
of the evils of the social media where there are people who are like
that. It’s sad that some people in 21st century talk like that. But you
cannot really do much,’ Dasgupta told ANI.
The Bengal pacer also took to Twitter to hit back at these internet
trolls in a fitting manner and by being completely polite in his
response.
‘Very good morning Har kisi ko jindagi mai mukam ni milta, kuch kismat
wale hi hote hai jinhe ye nasib hota hai.!.jalteee rahooooo (Not
everyone get what they desire, only a lucky few get it. They are my
wife and daughter and I know what I should do. We should all look
inwards),’ he said
‘Ye dono meri zindage or life partner hai me acha trha janta hu kiya
karna hai kiya nahi.hame apne andar dekhna chahiye ham kitna accha hai.
(These two are my life and life partner. I myself know what to do and
what not to do. We should all look within ourselves how nice we are),’
he added.
‘The comments are really really Shameful. Support Mohammed Shami fully.
There are much bigger issues in this country. Hope sense prevails,’
said Mohammad Kaif.
Where wife-beating is up for debate
Washington Times
October 1, 2005
Arnold Beichman
It boggles my Western mind, but I've just
come across another of the many Middle East public debates, this one on an Arab
TV channel: When is a husband justified in beating his wife?
The debate, broadcast on the Lebanese
channel, Heya TV, was between a Lebanese cleric, a Lebanese women's rights
activist and an Algerian woman author.
The cleric, Zakariya Ghandour, opened the
debate with this graphic judgment: "Disciplining by beating occurs as a
reprimand - not brutal beating. Brutal beating is forbidden. Use of a ruler or,
as you mentioned, beating on the hand or the shoulder, the buttocks or anything
like that - as a reprimand of a woman when all methods of guidance have failed.
Like a mother or father who beat their son or daughter to prevent them from
wrongdoing and not out of hatred or animosity."
The interviewer asked the cleric if the
wife can discipline the husband when he strays. "Can she too take a ruler, beat
him and reprimand him, if he, for example strays. Is there equality in this?"
Good question. Islamic answer: "No, we give leadership to the man. She can
also refrain from intimacy with him. Just like he can leave her bed, she can
leave his. There is a parallel here."
Algerian woman author Fadhila Al-Farouk
interposes: "I live in a common neighborhood and hear the cries of women
who were beaten almost every night. I know what it means for a woman to be
beaten. I know what it means for a women to be beaten merely because a man
stared at her. She is innocent but nevertheless she is beaten. ... We are
talking about brutal beatings, not a slap or two. ... They use rods, they use
belts, they use iron chains. We are talking abut violent beating."
The interviewer says: "I am getting a very
ugly picture of the Algerian people."
The Algerian author replies: "No, this is
not restricted to the Algerian people. It occurs throughout the Arab world."
On another earlier debate, one participant
suggested a more humane way to beat the supposedly errant spouse: with a
toothpick. No statistics are available whether, in sparing the rod, the
toothpick has come into widespread use.
The Algerian consul in Lebanon is quoted as
authority for the revelation about "the suffering of Algerian women married to
men in Egypt and other Arab countries and the beatings they suffered." Nor is
this mistreatment restricted to Arab countries, says Fadhila Al-Farouk. She
claims some 2 million Arab wives in France "are victims of brutal beatings" too.
The interviewer asks if there is a
difference between a woman suffering violence in the Arab world or in Western
society. An incredible reply, as recorded by MEMRI, from the Algerian woman
author. Fadhila Al-Farouk: "The Western woman differs from the woman
in Arab countries. The Western woman is aware of her basic rights. She knows who
she should turn to, how to report to the police, neighbors get involved. In our
case, a neighbor cannot call the police and the police cannot be involved. ...
It is very rare for the police to intervene between a husband a wife."
Is it possible half the world's Arab
population has no rights?
Arnold Beichman, a Hoover Institution
research fellow, is a columnist for The Washington Times.
Don’t be fooled, Muslim
women
Lilian Tan
December 30, 2005
With the passing of the bill to amend Islamic Family Law,
I'm truly disappointed that the scream of outrage I had expected from the Muslim
women of this country has turned out to be a whimper. What is wrong with the
Muslim women of this country?
I look at my Muslim women friends, and although perturbed
at what has happened, none of them can ever imagine that the unjust Islamic
Family Law will ever be used against them. These are intelligent, well-educated
and accomplished women who are only too familiar with the plight of other Muslim
women who have been scourged by the outcomes of their divorce rulings in the
syariah courts. And yet, they still fool themselves into believing that the same
thing could never happen to them.
Equally shocking is the ugly fact the government of this
country has been directly instrumental in pushing this bill through Parliament.
Not very long ago, when it became clear that Malay women in universities were
outnumbering and outperforming their male counterparts in local universities, a
certain Umno politician actually had the temerity to recommend curbing the
enrolment of Malay women lest there be “severe repercussions" caused by the
social imbalance.
He was persuaded to soften his stand, but it is now clear
to me that the recent bill was conceived to nix the advancement of Malay women.
Finally, many will wonder why a non-Muslim like me would
concern myself with a problem involving Muslim women. My answer is simple:
anything that oppresses another person, no matter what the creed or religion,
diminishes me. Certainly, with the Muslim women of this country now facing such
a bleak future, it's unconscionable that the rest of us should remain silent and
look away.
To my Muslim sisters, I say, stand up and fight for your
rights. Understand that anger and outrage are sometimes more effective than
patience and fortitude. For too long, the powers-that-be have divided this
nation along racial and religious lines to keep us distracted and in disarray.
But if you can find the courage and strength to fight
back, there are many of us who will fight alongside you. It is in our shared
struggles that we will find our mutual understanding, and it is only with mutual
understanding that we can work together to find a way to turn the tide of
oppression against our common oppressors.
Imams 'condone domestic violence'
Richard Kerbaj
January 30, 2006
THE nation's most senior Islamic woman has attacked Muslim
religious leaders who condone "wife-beating" and other forms of domestic
violence.
Aziza Abdel-Halim, the only
female member of the Prime Minister's Muslim Advisory Council, has warned that
Islamic women are being "put down" by imams in hardline and moderate circles and
their rights ignored.
"Women have suffered from sometimes ill-informed
imams ... who have tried to put down women and negate some of their rights or
activities," she said yesterday.
"And some of them (imams) have condoned men beating
women, which is un-Islamic."
The comments, unusually outspoken for a female Muslim
leader, have surfaced amid concerns that no female community representatives had
been invited to the coming national imams conference in Sydney.
The conference is likely to see moderate spiritual
leaders attempt to crack down on radical clerics and their extremist views and
to develop a national board of imams. It is also likely to consider a code of
behaviour for the country's imams.
The meeting will be attended by 10 community
representatives and 62 imams, including firebrand cleric Mohammed Omran, who has
come under fire from the federal Government and moderate Muslim leaders for
espousing radical views, including that al-Qa'ida leader Osama bin Laden is not
a terrorist but a "good man".
Fellow radical spiritual leaders Abdul Salam Mohammad
Zoud and Faiz Mohamad have also been invited.
Sister Abdel-Halim, who is president of the Muslim
Women's National Network Australia, said the Australian Federation of Islamic
Councils, the conference host, was being "unjust" by not inviting female
community representatives to attend.
"Women are half of the community and they bring up
the other half, so you shouldn't really exclude them from anything," she said.
"There should be some women observers who have a background in ... Islamic
studies, and these women will represent the women within the community and
should have an input."
She said the women may "raise a few points of concern
that the imams may not be aware of or may be aware of and may be reluctant to
address".
Sister Abdel-Halim's comments about cruelty towards
Muslim women were backed by Jamila Hussain, a lecturer in Islamic law at the
University of Technology Sydney, who said many imams were out of touch with the
issues concerning Muslim women.
She worried that some spiritual leaders were
indifferent to the cruelty being experienced by some women at the hands of
aggressive partners.
"We don't know what imams are telling the men," Ms
Hussain said. "Are they taking a stand, for example, against domestic violence?
They should be, but we don't know whether they are or not. We suspect some are
but probably the majority are not."
Sister Abdel-Halim told The Australian that "imams
wield a great deal of power over the community".
"When people go to congregation, the imam for them is
the source of religious knowledge and what he says to a lot of them is
indisputable," she said.
She said that along with the imams who would be
present at the conference, both male and female academics and youth leaders
should also be invited to share their views.
She said she thought the AFIC board of executives
"find educated women very threatening because women are ... very good community
organisers and high achievers when it comes to setting up initiatives".
The federation has recently come under attack from
community youth representatives and other Muslim leaders for not being
representative of the Islamic community in Australia.
The
Australian's phone calls to the federation yesterday were not returned.
Crisis centers help Muslim women and others suffering from domestic abuse
Thursday, April 6, 2006
By MAKEBA SCOTT HUNTER
HERALD NEWS
When the
violence at home had gotten so bad that he was hitting her every day and had
endangered the life of her unborn child, she knew it was time to get help – but
not just any help. She wanted to talk to a woman, and she wanted that woman to
be Muslim.
As a
relatively new convert to the religion, she wanted to take care to follow the
customs of Islam, which has specific teachings on domestic violence -- the
brutality taking place in her family.
"I didn't want
to do nothing by mistake," said the woman, who lives in Paterson and asked that
her name not be published. "I wanted to follow the rules. I wanted to follow
everything by Islam." And, she says, "I really wanted to feel comfortable with
the people."
So she asked
counseling centers and organizations for help finding a female Muslim counselor.
She asked at schools, and she asked local Muslim women but kept receiving the
same answer again and again: There were none.
Finally, her
child's pediatrician, a Muslim, referred her to WAFA House. After the long
search, "I was sooo happy," she recalls.
Founded in
fall 2004, WAFA House (Women Against Family Abuse) is a privately run domestic
violence crisis center based in Paterson that caters primarily to the needs of
women of South Asian, Arabic and/or Muslim descent. The Arabic word "wafa"
translates to "sincerity," "faithfulness" or "to have hope," and the
organization has come to be known as a place where a Muslim woman can find all
three.
The rate of
domestic abuse in the Muslim community is about the same as in the general
population -- about 18 percent, according to a 2000 study performed by Oakland
University in Rochester, Mich., a rate comparable to the national average. It
tends, however, to be more hidden, says Dorria Fahmy, WAFA's founder and
executive director.
"There is a
mindset that you don't talk about things outside of the home," says Fahmy,
explaining the thinking that inhibits some women from seeking help. "There is
concern that taking these issues outside of the community somehow contradicts
religious teachings."
The need for
organizations like WAFA House is especially great in New Jersey, which is home
to an estimated 10 percent of the U.S. Muslim population, according to the New
Jersey branch of the Council on American-Islamic Relations.
"The issues
that we face are quite unique," says Lakshmi Rajagopal, a coordinator at Manavi,
New Jersey's oldest Muslim-focused domestic abuse center. "Among those are the
dynamics of violence in the community. The way that violence manifests requires
an understanding of the culture, the family structures and the people that abuse
comes from."
Because many
of WAFA's clients are immigrants, abusers sometimes hold the threat of
deportation or child-custody loss over their wives. The language barrier can
also be a factor.
Natives of
Arabic and South Asian nations, who make up a majority of New Jersey's Muslim
population, often speak a number of languages, including Arabic, Hindi, Urdu and
Bengali. Most domestic crisis centers lack the resources to communicate with
women who aren't fluent in English. Non-English speakers sometimes were turned
away, or referred to organizations like Manavi, which was previously the state's
sole domestic violence center handling the needs of Muslim women. When Manavi
was founded 21 years ago, it was unique in the nation, said Rajagopal.
"Given the
size of the organization, we can't handle the number of cases that come in, and
WAFA can now help with that," Rajagopal says.
Close to 80
women, children and families have sought help at WAFA House over the past
year-and-a-half. The organization's primary goal is reuniting families through
counseling rather than splitting them apart, says Fahmy.
The WAFA House
staff -- one paid administrator, several unpaid interns and an unpaid board of
directors -- also helps women navigate daily obstacles. A Jordanian woman with
limited English, for example, gets help about twice a week reading her mail.
WAFA House prides itself on teaching women to advocate for themselves against an
aggressive husband or one who tries to manipulate Islam's religious doctrines to
justify his actions.
"We teach
women about their rights because, Islamically, a woman has rights," says WAFA
House intern Jenin, who asked that only her first name be printed.
"Unfortunately with men, some men, they're going to give you their perspective
or their interpretation of women's rights ... but it doesn't say in Islam to
treat a woman like she's nothing, or like she's less than him. Unfortunately
some are doing it anyway. Culture definitely tweaks the religion."
WAFA House has
its fair share of critics, Fahmy acknowledges. Some have charged that, by
empowering women, the group breaks up families. That perception appears to be
changing, however, thanks in part to the addition of male board members -- and
the outspoken support of the imam of Paterson's largest mosque, the Islamic
Center of Passaic County.
"Islamically,
we are obligated to work together to protect this woman or child. From this
point, we founded WAFA House," says Imam Mohamed Qatanani, who has begun a
series of Friday prayers on the rights of men and women according to Islam. "We
found it important to have a professional to not only protect her, but to teach
and educate the Muslim community (about) how to treat a woman according to the
teachings of God."
At a recent
fundraising event at the center, the organization raised $30,000 in just one
hour.
"I was so
touched, I just started crying," said a WAFA house employee, who asked to be
identified by her first name, Miriam. "Women were taking rings and gold off
their body and throwing it at us."
The unnamed
Paterson woman who sought help is still with her husband, and said that, with
counseling from WAFA House and the imam, her mate has begun to change.
"He doesn't do
that anymore," she said of the prior abuse. "We talked about it and I told him
(that) if this is going to continue like this I'm going to leave ... and the
imam let him know how the woman has to be treated in Islam."
Abuse
plagues Muslim women in Germany
Traditional attitudes linger, leading to
forced marriages and violence
By
Rachel Elbaum
Reporter
MSNBC
May 25,
2006
BERLIN - Imagine a home
with so much pressure to cook, clean and take care of younger siblings that you
don’t have enough time to do homework. Imagine your parents forbidding you from
going out to socialize with friends from school. Imagine running away from home
at 17.
This was Leyla’s life.
Born in Turkey near the Syrian border, Leyla* came to Germany at the age of six
with her mother and siblings to join her father, one of the many so-called
"guest workers" invited by the German government during the 1960s and 1970s.
(*The women interviewed for this story spoke on condition of anonymity for
reasons of safety.)
Leyla excelled in German
schools, but life at home was overshadowed by her parents' loveless marriage,
verbal abuse from her father and few demonstrations of affection. It got worse
when her older sister was married off and left home, and Leyla was suddenly
thrust into the role of housekeeper and babysitter.
Then, after years of
cleaning floors, cooking dinners and finding just enough time to finish a bit of
homework, Leyla had enough of feeling like a slave and went to live in a shared
house set up specifically for Turkish girls with troubled family lives.
Life away from her family
was better, but it turned out her nightmare was only beginning. Leyla would
shortly become one of hundreds of immigrant women in Germany — many from Muslim
backgrounds — subjected to abuse, forced marriages and other violent family
situations against their will.
Virginity check
After months of living on her own — and a chance to concentrate on school work
and even have a social life — Leyla’s parents asked her to join them on a trip
back to Turkey. “Your grandparents are sick,” they told her. “Come to see them
one last time.”
Against the advice of
friends and her social workers, Leyla acceded and joined her parents on the long
drive to Turkey.
“As soon as we left my
mother took away my passport,” said Leyla, recounting her story at a café in one
of Berlin’s Turkish neighborhoods. “They told me Germany was now dead to me.”
But the most frightening
part of the drive was when her parents said she would be going to a gynecologist
to find out if she was still a virgin.
“I just wanted five
minutes alone with the doctor, to give him a little money and get him to lie for
me,” said Leyla, who at that time had slept with a boyfriend in Germany. But her
plan didn’t work and the doctor confirmed her parents’ worst nightmare. Her
mother went into hysterics, wailing in the doctor’s office, while her father
stood there, unable to speak.
“It wasn’t until then that
I realized what a shame I had brought on them,” she said.
Quickly, they arranged a
marriage with a cousin, explaining to the family that she wouldn’t bleed on her
wedding night as a result of a sports injury.
“He wanted to marry me. It
was a good deal for him, he wanted to come to Germany,” she said of her cousin,
whom she met just once.
Her distress at the whole
situation was magnified when during the meeting he attempted to kiss and touch
her.
It turned out to be a
blessing in disguise. Hoping to avoid a marriage like her parents’, she told her
father of the cousin’s unwelcome advances and he agreed to call off the match.
Eventually, with the help
of her social worker in Berlin, Leyla managed to get back to Germany, and her
place in what was the first shelter established for immigrant girls, enabled to
her get a degree in early education and become a caregiver/counselor in a
women’s shelter for immigrant girls stuck in family situations similar to her
own. Now 42, she has managed to build a new life and is married to a German man.
Religion, culture,
tradition
While Leyla managed to avoid a fate preordained by her family, it is impossible
to know how many others are left in violent situations with few means of escape.
An editor for the Turkish newspaper Hurriyet has estimated that 50 percent of
Muslim women in Germany have been victims of domestic violence. In addition,
forced marriages often turn into violent homes.
At the heart of the matter
is a complicated dance between Germany’s inability to fully embrace immigrants,
many of whom were invited from Turkey to fill labor shortages, and the
immigrants' unwillingness to let go of behaviors and traditions that appear
brutal to mainstream Western Europeans.
Critics of Germany's
record with guest workers say the country has been standoffish with the new
residents, leaving them clinging to their homeland’s culture for a sense of
familiarity and belonging, a phenomenon particularly true among Muslim
immigrants. Many Germans, meanwhile, blame the immigrants for holding on to
their old ways and say the responsibility for their poor situation lies mostly
with the guest workers for not making more efforts to adapt to German norms and
customs.
“You can’t say [these
attitudes against women are] because of one specific thing,” said Seyran Ates, a
Berlin lawyer of Turkish descent who focuses on women’s rights. “Many families,
who marry their children off early, want to prevent sex outside of marriage.
Some are worried that here in Germany their kids will take a German partner or a
partner of another nationality so they marry their kids very quickly with
another immigrant or a person here they know.”
“It is an absolute mix of
religion, culture and tradition,” said Ates, who was born into a Muslim family.
In part because of several
highly publicized murders of Muslim women by family members for “dishonorable”
behavior — along with the murder of the controversial Dutch filmmaker Theodore
Van Gogh, who often spoke out about the abuse of women — there is a new
willingness to discuss forced marriage and spousal violence against women taking
place in Turkish and other immigrant communities.
There are about a dozen
shelters around Germany that cater specifically to immigrant women, and several
organizations that provide support and advice for those seeking to get out of
abusive relationships. The majority of these organizations receive government
support or funds in one form or another.
Two-year nightmare
At one of these shelters, the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus (Intercultural Women's
House) in Berlin, an Iranian woman, Shabnam, is still trying to recover from a
two-year nightmare marriage.
The well-dressed
24-year-old originally came to Germany after marrying a former neighbor who
lured her with promises of a better life than the one she could have in Iran.
He had a good job and a
nice apartment in Hanover, he told her at the meeting their parents arranged in
Turkey. With strong pressure from her parents to accept his proposal, and her
own desire to have a husband, Shabnam found herself married at the end of his
visit.
Only after her arrival in
Germany did she find out her new spouse's promises were all lies. He had no job
and few plans to find one. Eventually he started drinking. And then the beatings
started. If she asked why he didn’t look for work, he hit her.
Ambitious and wanting to
learn German so she could get a job, she instead was trapped at home, cooking
Persian food for his friends and taking care of the house.
“I couldn’t talk to him,”
Shabnam said. “I was unhappy, I slept a lot, I had a lot of problems, I couldn’t
think.”
After a breakdown caused
by her husband's revelation that he was moving to the United States, Shabnam
landed in the hospital for a month. A friend then encouraged her to seek help
through the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus. Shabnam is now learning German, and
hopes to soon begin a degree course in computer science.
Early intervention
In some ways, Shabnam is a success story. She got the help she needed. And so
have the nearly 200 other women and children the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus has
assisted this year.
Advocates and caregivers
agree that the best way to end these problems is to start educating children
early that these attitudes are wrong.
“We need to work
with all people and not just with the victims when it’s too late and they’re
getting divorced,” Ates said. “We must start much earlier, in kindergarten.” But
to make this possible, “we need more government support and institutionalized
support. Help costs money.”
Although there are still
hundreds of women across Germany seeking help from shelters, and countless more
who suffer in silence, advocates are hopeful that the recent public focus on
women’s issues is helping more women find help and even avoid forced and abusive
relationships.
“I have a feeling that it
is getting better, now there is more openness,” said Leyla. “Parents are more
willing to listen to their children. Not for everyone, but slowly...”
Two Muslim
mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk.
The older of
the two mothers pulls her bag out, and starts
flipping
through photos and they start reminiscing.
"This is my
oldest son, Mohammed. He was 24 years old."
"Yes, I
remember him as a baby," says the younger mother, cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now, though", the older mother confides.
"Praise be to
Allah", says the younger mother.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He was 21 years old."
"Oh, I remember
him", says the younger mother happily.
"He had such
curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr,
too", says older mother quietly.
"Praise be to Allah," says the younger mother.
"And this is my
third son, my baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He was eighteen
years old", the older mother whispers.
"Yes," says the
younger mother enthusiastically,
"I remember
when he first started school."
"He is a martyr, also", says older mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause
and a deep sigh, the younger Muslim
mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says,
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"